We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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