Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
