i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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