hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
tell me about the fingering
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
