I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
