This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
