It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
