Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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