its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
