im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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