at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
