4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
