omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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