Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
