he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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