you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
