Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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