I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
