I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
