Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize