fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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