im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
