dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
