Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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