More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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