Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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