i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
