I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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