dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
