Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
