The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
