I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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