have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
