Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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