he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
