he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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