I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
