didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He shit in the fireplace
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
