I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
