i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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