so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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