You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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