They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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