I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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