I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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