Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
