And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm both gender and math confused
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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