Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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