what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
