It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
two words...techno handjob
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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