ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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