you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
