i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
