the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
