I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
