I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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