i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize