Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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