I think im going to throw up on grandma
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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