I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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