I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
3pm strippers are depressing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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