im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
