come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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