I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
