other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
