I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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