haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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