i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
