He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
