I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
