U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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