she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
