having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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