At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
