Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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