is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
