Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
dude. I can hear the air.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
