if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
